~ Da Most Spectacular English Lesson ~

It was an eventful English lesson today.
Our tutor gave us a group activity where each group was supposed to come up with a writing based on the different text types: Poems, Adverts, Complaint letter, Professional review etc.
The theme was on beauty and each group was supposed to write something based on this.

Our group chose the text type poems, so we were supposed to write a poem on beauty..
This was how the group discussion went:

P.S: for ease of reading and comprehension, what i said will be in blue, what the others said will be in red, and my actual thoughts are in italics and bold.

Introducing the main charcs:

1. Suave, Brainy Kaputt, (KAP)
2. Self righteous, prudish, prim&proper Girl groupmate who incidentally looks like an auntie and SO DOESNT Look like she's getting... any... sex. None. Zero. Zilch. Kaputt. (NEM, short for nemesis... mine.)
3. Crappy oh-so-extra full-of-bullshit guy groupmate whos pretty funny in a crude, lowclass kinda way :X (L)
4. The inconsequential others. (O)

P.P.S: Its ok if u cant make head nor tail of the poem in the stages, i'll do a full one at the end.

Scene 1: Just after we got into groups after choosing to do poems

ALL: ......

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O: Ok, i think we made a mistake. (I rolled my eyes in my mind at her because THEY GRABBED that text type. GRABBED! Like a cradle snatcher! Before the tutor's mouth even gave birth to the words.)

Kap: Oh well.. ok lets decide.. do we write a poem on beauty itself as a concept, or a story about beauty? (WAH LAO! ME! Leading the discussion? ME???)

O: Story lor. More interesting.

Kap: Ok, any suggestions?

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Kap: ok, how bout we write a poem bout a girl who's vain, wanna go for plastic surgery and it was a botch job?

L: Big boobs! Beauty beauty, big bad boobies! Nice rhyme!

O including me: .....

Kap: Ok, no objections? how bout we start with this? (Proceeds to write 4 lines down)

L: Big boobs! Beauty beauty, big bad boobies! (as yours truely was writing down the lines)

The four lines:

Beauty is only skin deep

A passing phase

But look within your hearts

Who doesnt want a ??? face? (Stuck at the descriptive word)

O: Wah.. didnt know you are so poetic (by which i beamed like the sun, shoooo happi with the compliment)

L: Slutty face! Come-F***-Me face! (by this time he's in a whole universe, plane of existence even of his own. You can see the invisible barriers all around him and his words are like the whispers of the wind, inaudible and unheard) (Sibei crude... but damn on point.. i likeeeee.. but no, shall not associate myself with him)

(we finally decide on a word)

Nem: Got meh? Y you so superficial one? (WTF??? THIS IS A POEM!! @!#@%&^)

Kap: Ok, how do we continue?

Nem: Must be u always write this kinda things to your gf right? (DUH... ok, i shall ignore her...)

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Kap: ok, how bout these lines next? (writes another 4 lines)

The next four lines:

I'm plain and plebian

Just an average girl

But i yearn to be ???

Beautiful with soft luscious curls

Kap: Hmm.. yearn to be.. hot?

Nem: hey... we're not like that k (Nemesis screws up her face in self righteous indignation)

Nem: You're damn gross lor.

Kap: ... (GOD!!!! Whats wrong with this woman? being called hot is like an 8/10 compliment CAN! She has issues with ppl calling girls hot? Must be the sour grapes syndrom...)

O: Ya la, cannot 'hot' la. Doesn't sound right.

Kap: ok, erm.. yearn to be curvasious? Voluptious? :P (It was in a JOKING tone.)

L: yearn to be SLUTTY! Naked!

Nem: You're realli gross lor. (Proceeds to look at me with contempt)

L: yearn to be SLUTTY! Naked!

Kap: I'm just throwing out applicable words right? Perhaps u can think of any better ones? (LETS SEE WHAT U CAN COME UP WITH BIATCH!!!)

Nem: ......., ok we'll use yours.

(Mentally chokes slam her, twists her head 360 degrees and pops it off, splashing red hot blood all over the floor)

L: yearn to be SLUTTY! Naked! <---- He's pathetic, i know. :X

Next few lines pass without incidence.. until:

I took my first step out

Onto my journey of evolution.

Nem: What? Evolution? Thats like.. from nothing to something right?

L: Journey of sexual revelation!

L: Journey of orgasmic pleasures! <--- Yes, he's digging himself deeper into the bottomless abyss of no return.

Kap: Erm, basically it can be used to mean change (Ok, i shall not blame u for being ignorant. I shall not blame u for being stupid. I shall not blame u for being u.)

Nem: (Plunging headlong into the argument without thought) But its so weird. Your're weird lor. How can describe like that one? <-- Much as i dread it, Ladies and Gentlemen.. presenting to u the future of teaching.

Kap: ..... (I hate her.)

O: Actually.. its ok la, nvm, no time le, just use. (This is the only 4th para lor, and we RAN OUT OF TIME! NO THANKS TO SOMEONE!)

I wrote the next few lines:

He told me it won't hurt

As I lay down & closed my eyes

Nem: You everyday think of this issit. It sounds so sexual lor. Why you like that one.

L: OooOOoo.. i like that part.

Kap: Its just an indirect writing style lor. Sounds nicer than 'He told me it won't hurt, as i lay on the operating table' right? (Hello? Reality check? We're writing about the surgery? Why are u even thinking about what u are thinking? u sex starved deprived woman u!!!)

L: Did i tell you guys i realli like that part? <--- No, i wont reveal his real identity. Never.

O: ok, realli no time le.. Alex, just finish it up k.

I finish up the last few lines.

Nem: Hey, remember to put 'written by: Alex'. (Meaning, you dont want to be associated with this poem. It's BENEATH u. Let Alex bear the brunt of all the social backlash from the class. I'm pure, innocent, pristine and let it be known that i was adamantly against his lewd thoughts right from the start!)

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So i went up to present OUR group's work in the end too.

Overall, it was pretty well received i might say, and i think the tutor was really impressed that we could come up with this in 15 mins time.

As i walked back to my seat after the commentary by the teacher... i saw on Nemesis's face undisguised anguish that it was praise received instead of scorn. I can almost literally see her regret disassociating herself with the work. That... is the greatest compliment of all :) (DIE BIATCH!!!!!)

Heres the full poem:

Beauty is only skin deep,

A passing phase.

But look within your hearts,

Who doesn't want a captivating face?

I'm plain and plebian,

Just an average girl,

But I yearn to be gorgeous,

Beautiful, with soft luscious curls.

I feel ashamed of my inner thoughts,

I try to resist.

Yet with each and every passing day,

The more i desist.

So one fateful day,

After months of consideration

I took that fateful step out

Onto my journey of evolution

He told me it woundn't hurt

As i lay down and closed my eyes,

The whole building heard,

My horrified cries.

Beauty is only skin deep,

A passing phase.

I tell that to myself everyday

As i look at my disfigured face...