~ The Journey ~

Intense, blinding light shone down on me, enveloping me in a sea of white. I opened my eys wide, searching for something familiar in my growing panic. My hands reached out desperately and groped about for something, anything, to anchor me to the here and now. They found cool, soothing metal, and closed around it in a viselike grip. It came again. It was exquisite. It was excruciating. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Rocking through me in wave after wave, my feeble body was racked through and through, causing me to arch up, my face contorted beyond recognition, a blood-curling, heart wrenching scream escaping from my already hoarse throat. All semblance of poise and dignity gone, I tossed my head from side to side as I continued this losing battle.
I slumped back, totally spent, a ragged doll. It still had me in its clutches, but now I was helpless against it, every single ounce of energy drained from my being. The light seemed so white and pure, I noted abstractly, my thoughts foggy and disorientated. Deeper and deeper i sunk into darkness, the pain which held me deeply in thrall already a distant and rapidly vanishing thing. I finally slipped into the warm comforting embrace of unconsciousness.
Fragments of memories and conflicting recollections swirled around in the recesses of my mind. I recalled the lust I felt and the passionate moments shared. The tender loving kisses planted that left me gasping for more, the gentle caresses that set the whole world on fire and unleased emotions of such intensity it was frightening from a figure of the past, the face already a vague memory. Then came deep sorrow and red hot anger that assailed me and shattered the bliss and happiness which had grown all too familiar. The sharp image of his back, silhouetted against the setting sun as he walked slowly and resolutely off into the distance, not a turn of his head back for one last look, nor a single backward glance of longing or reluctance. It was all a facade, a brutal lie. Underneath it all, only a cold, heartless cad. The aching gap of his departure was replaced by deep loathing. Images shifted again and i remembered the joy of realization of the change within me, tainted by the still hurting fact of the one gone, never to return. The looks of contempt and despise of people around, judging me, mentally casting me out. Their eyes reflecting disgust and even pity at my slowly changing body. The unconditional love and support of my mother, the only one who stood by me and accepted me for who I was amidst all the disapproval at the decision i made that would forever change my life.
I jerked awake, the whirlpool of confused shards of recollection and conflicting emotions coupled with the traumatic experience before my unconsciousness overwhelming me momentarily. Somehow, I had survived. Surroundings all too familiar greeted me and I calmed down somewhat. All I wanted now was to know the outcome and see the joy of my life. Someone came in. I turned around, the question speaking loudly in my eyes, but one look at her, and my heart broke. Tears welled up and my eyes brimmed with them, before I totally broke down. This journey had been so rough, but I always thought I would pull through. Now, it left me an utterly crushed person.
"I am sorry," the nurse whispered in a choked voice. "Your baby did not survive."


Another compo i wrote while i was teaching tuition and had nothing better to do. Ladidiaaaaa...